This one has its ups and downs

Did you hear about the elevator who always came to sudden stops?

He was a bit of a jerk.

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Some political humor

Did you hear about the candidate accused of inventing cream cheese?

It was a smear campaign.

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This one will not electrify you

My friend got an electric car free of charge.

It didn't go anywhere.

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A Corny Insult

Why do people have such hard feelings about succotash?

Because sometimes it maque choux ("mocks you").

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No gherkin this guy around...

Why are pickle makers often great businessmen?

They know a good dill when they see one.

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Playing without Notes Sounds Funny

What happens to classical musicians who lose their jobs?

They go Baroque.

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Wars Joke Ever

Why don't wookies chew gum?

Because they Chewbacca!

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Just shopping this joke around

How do you describe a lady who meanders around a grocery store with no idea of what she wants?

Listless.

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Space joke

What is the first step to hosting a party in outer space?

Planet.*

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*Credit goes to Jeannette Harris for sharing this with me.  It may have come from somewhere else, but it was too good not to share.

This joke is a bit grave

Why are gravediggers so sinister?

They are always plotting.

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This one is full of baloney

Whatcha' get if you cross a famous German composer with sandwiches?

Bach's lunch.*

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*Special thanks to Anne E. Burns, who gave me permission to publish this on behalf of her grandfather, Carlton Winford, who sets the bar for joke tellers.

Acorn-y joke.

How do you know your chauffeur is a squirrel?

He drives you nuts.
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