Wednesday, December 9, 2015

What a joker!

Did you hear about the harlequin who performed a good deed?

It was a nice jester.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

This joke is really in a pickle

How could the farmer's wife tell the farmer was disappointed in his sandwich?

She noticed that he ate it without relish.

Monday, November 23, 2015

That sandwich is dressed funny

Why did you get mustard even though you didn't ask for mustard?

Mustard been implied.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

This joke is lousy

Why are lice so fearless?

They love hairy situations.

Lecture laughter show!

A while back I heard that a friend of mine, who already had a bachelor's degree and a master's degree, had enrolled in the Ph.D. program at the same university.  Then I learned he dropped out.

When I asked him why, he said he was tired of getting the third degree.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Funny Weather We're Having

Why did the cloud want a silver lining?

Because it was quite the stratus symbol!

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Cannoli Hope He's Joking

What do you call it when a local church throws a spaghetti luncheon and invites the whole community?

A-pasta-lic ministry.

But what do you call it when they run out of spaghetti too early?


Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Mildly Incredible Revelation of the Day

Persons bearing the name "Jordan" seem to have a peculiar difficulty in Japan, due to the way that their name is pronounced by native Japanese-speakers.   

The problem is that the Japanese pronunciation of the name "Jordan" ("ジョーダン", pronounced "Jōdan") sounds remarkably similar to the Japanese word "冗談" (also pronounced "Jōdan"), which means "joke, or jest."

Essentially, the two words are homophones in Japanese.

Not Quite a Royal Rumble

What do you get when the Geico spokesman gets into a fight with a guard at Buckingham Palace?

Gecko-Yeoman Wrestling.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Good for the skin, but may give you a buzz

Did you hear about the lady who had an allergic reaction to Burt's Bees?

She got hives.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Jest A Bit of Puffery

Why do cigarettes hate jokes?

Because they're always the butt.

Monday, April 27, 2015

A Chuckle for Lawyers

What do you call an argument in a motion filed with the court?

A "moving argument."

What about when you e-File the argument?

Then it's an "e-motional argument"

An Art Joke for Cow Pokes

Why should you never paint children into an Old West landscape painting?

Because children should be a scene and not a herd.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

St. Patrick makes no missed-snake

I have heard a lot lately about major companies choosing to do business in Ireland.  A while back I decided to invest some of my own money there. 

I checked on my investments today and have good news to report.  The Capital is still Dublin.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Oddball Comedy

What do they say when a pitcher retires in baseball?

"It's the end of an E.R.A."

Monday, February 9, 2015

Don't stoop to jokes about their seis

Why are seismologists so hard to get along with?

Because they are always finding fault.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

I don't get it, and I don't want to get it

A comedian was thrown out of a comedy club and into the street.  Then, a few minutes later, another comedian was thrown out of the comedy club on to the pavement beside him.

As he brushed himself off, the first comedian turned to the second and said, "I can't believe they threw me out, those jokes were brilliant!"

"That's why they threw you out," the second comedian explained: "Your jokes were so brilliant that no one got them."

"Oh.  Is that why they threw you out, too?" the first comedian wondered.

"No, they got all of my jokes," the second comedian explained, "so they figured I must be insulting their intelligences!"