What do you do when someone dies a second time?
Rehearse.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jordan Joke noun \ˈjȯr-dən ˈjōk\:
1. an absurdity masquerading as a joke; 2. a joke that is so obviously constructed as to make no one laugh but the person who created or is delivering it; 3. a joke on the listener for the benefit of the teller.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Revolutionary Humor
Why didn't the British invite the American colonies to their tea parties?
They found them revolting.
~~~~~~~~~~
They found them revolting.
~~~~~~~~~~
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Spookily funny...
What do you call a reasonable and ordinary ghost?
An objective manifestation.
~~~~~~~~~~
An objective manifestation.
~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, June 26, 2014
I've always been fond of the underdog
When weevils battle...
I always root for the lesser of the two weevils.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* This is clearly not an original, I merely had to get it out of my head. But the caption is true.
I always root for the lesser of the two weevils.*
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* This is clearly not an original, I merely had to get it out of my head. But the caption is true.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Faerie-ly Funny
Why don't you call a lady unicorn "Mrs."?
Because a lady unicorn is a myth!
~~~~~~~~~~
Because a lady unicorn is a myth!
~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, May 29, 2014
The dessert there is so decadent it's simply bovine...
Why was the big tipper banned from the restaurant?
Because it was a restaurant for cows!
~~~~~~~~~~
Because it was a restaurant for cows!
~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Also, an alligator wearing a vest...
What do you call an alligator that researches stocks and bonds?
An investigator.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Credit to Jeannette Haris, who originally suggested the titular version of the joke (same punchline).
An investigator.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Credit to Jeannette Haris, who originally suggested the titular version of the joke (same punchline).
Monday, May 5, 2014
Dry humor or arid jocularity?
What do you call a camel with no humps?
Humphrey.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Credit to Cody Burns, who shared this via Anne Burns. I'm so glad to hear Cody is carrying on the tradition of funny started in Anne's family, as memorialized in the works of Carlton Winford, Anne's grandfather.
Humphrey.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Credit to Cody Burns, who shared this via Anne Burns. I'm so glad to hear Cody is carrying on the tradition of funny started in Anne's family, as memorialized in the works of Carlton Winford, Anne's grandfather.
Funny No. 2 in D Major
What do you call the worms in Mozart's tomb?
De-composers.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Credit to Lory Evensky for sharing this one.
De-composers.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Credit to Lory Evensky for sharing this one.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
This should give you a jolt of funny
What do you call a coffee bean after it is ground up and brewed into a cup of coffee?
A has-been.
~~~~~~~~~~
A has-been.
~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, April 14, 2014
The plot-twist was a spud
What do you call a story featuring Mr. Potato Head?
An "about face."
~~~~~~~~~~
An "about face."
~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, April 11, 2014
Put a bunny on his head and you'd have a receding hare line...
What do you call a fellow named Eugene walking backwards?
A "recessive Gene."
~~~~~~~~~~
A "recessive Gene."
~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
You probably wouldn't invite this one to the Sunday Pot Luck...
What happens when an insatiable predator finds religion?
He preys without ceasing.
~~~~~~~~~~
He preys without ceasing.
~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Broken windows are glass-half-empty types...
Did you know that windows are afraid of wind?
All it takes is a little breeze and they shutter.
~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, March 21, 2014
You haven't heard anything this funny since 1984. It's double-plus good.
Did you hear about the sequel to Animal Farm that takes place under the sea?
It is quite Or-whale-ian.
It is quite Or-whale-ian.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
What's good for the Glam-der is good for the Mother Goose...
Footwear and farm animals, shoe 'nough!
What do you call it when you have a cow on your shoe?
"Moo"-shoe (Moo shu).
What do you call it when you have a horse on your shoe?
Horseshoe (obviously).
What do you call it when you have a goat on your shoe?
You don't. I've got your goat!
~~~~~~~~~~
"Moo"-shoe (Moo shu).
What do you call it when you have a horse on your shoe?
Horseshoe (obviously).
What do you call it when you have a goat on your shoe?
You don't. I've got your goat!
~~~~~~~~~~
Labels:
animal joke,
cows,
farm animals,
footwear,
goats,
horses,
jokes,
shoe jokes
Don't be a-brayed, donkey!
Why didn't the donkey laugh when the giant joked that he was so hungry he could eat a horse?
He was worried the giant was-in-gesting!*
~~~~~~~~~~
Best read as: "He was worried the giant wasn't jesting."
He was worried the giant was-in-gesting!*
~~~~~~~~~~
Best read as: "He was worried the giant wasn't jesting."
Thursday, March 6, 2014
I hope it was at least a 100 Grand (Bar)
What happened when the attorney was caught with a stolen candy bar?
He was dis-barred.
~~~~~~~~~~
He was dis-barred.
~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, February 17, 2014
Sad, Bad, but Funny: A Mnemonic Device
What do you call any tragedy starring Keanu Reaves?
Whoa-begone.*
~~~~~~~~~~
Also acceptable: "A Tale of Whoa"
Whoa-begone.*
~~~~~~~~~~
Also acceptable: "A Tale of Whoa"
Thursday, February 13, 2014
One joke mushroomed into two!
Why
should you never quarrel with someone who lives on a mountain covered in
mushrooms?
Because
he has the morel high ground.
~~~~~~~~~~
What
do you call a provision in a marriage contract that requires one to eat
mushrooms?
A
morelity clause.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Thanks to Amy Kuhlmann for inspiring both of these jokes by seizing upon the similarity between "moral" and "morel."
Snowy Whether
Why is it hard to be sure if it will snow?
Because snowstorms are full of flakes!
~~~~~~~~~~
Because snowstorms are full of flakes!
~~~~~~~~~~
Monday, February 3, 2014
A Pair of Legs Called the Righteous Brothers
How do you know a preacher's pants are holy?
They've been altar-ed.
~~~~~~~~~~
They've been altar-ed.
~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, January 17, 2014
Don't miss a beet!
What do you call it when you throw away a Swiss beet?
Dis-chard.
~~~~~~~~~~~
* I must admit I originally thought "swiss chard" was a type of cabbage. How beta vulgaris!
Dis-chard.
~~~~~~~~~~~
* I must admit I originally thought "swiss chard" was a type of cabbage. How beta vulgaris!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Don't be surprised if you find this one ex-tree-mly funny
Why do palm trees often embrace?
Because they are quite frond of each other.
~~~~~~~~~~
Because they are quite frond of each other.
~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, January 3, 2014
This one's a bit of a doozy, so you'd best take it slow.
Did you hear about the lady who was so intimidated by road humps that she was afraid to drive home?
Fortunately, she slowly got over them.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Contributed by Jeannette Harris. If she keeps this up, we'll have to rename the site! (But we won't, because it's pretty much just me.)
Fortunately, she slowly got over them.*
~~~~~~~~~~
* Contributed by Jeannette Harris. If she keeps this up, we'll have to rename the site! (But we won't, because it's pretty much just me.)
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